The quick version of this 6 month period of ‘My Mad Life’ goes alcohol, alcohol, girls, alcohol, girls, alcohol and girls - basically both female companionship and alcoholic beverages in disgracefully high proportions !.
I was on my way to Hong Kong where I would meet my best friend, Justin. I arrived on a Friday and from then till the following Wednesday we PARTIED. We went out and got blitzed every night then came home as light broke, got the munches and bought 2 huge bags of food at 3am. Worth mentioning is an amazing meal in in a quiet area of Hong Kong called Stanley, got wrecked on the beach, the phenomenon of Halloween and our 'touch' with the local ladies !.
This was my second visit to Hong Kong - The concrete world, The vertical world - where everything is made of concrete, even the gardens are desecrated and sprayed with concrete. But the sky-line is breath-taking which hundreds of uniquely designed sky scrapers which take on a new persona at night.
After 5 days of partying in Hong Kong I returned to Australia for more of the same !.
I spent every night for 3 weeks partying, ‘My Mad Life’. My drunken antics were becoming legendary, one incident of coming home at 4am and tipping backwards out of my wheelchair and sleeping outside the hostel in Surfers Paradise is only one example of my drunken mishaps.
After 4 weeks of hardcore partying and drinking, I decided to lay off the drink for a while. I spent a week down at Surfers Paradise and a week in Byron. I managed to go for nearly 2 weeks without drinking, but alas the 'no drinking reign' was over, with a weekend spent making up for lost time !.
Byron Bay, Australia was as beautiful and sunny as it had been for the previous 3 summers but this time something wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t the people, it wasn’t the weather, it wasn't the beach, the shops or the atmosphere, and it certainly wasn't the high intake of alcohol. It was me.
I had simply got a severe case of ‘Australian Overload’. I had been in the country to long, I had seen the East coast to many times, each place at least 4 times and although a very beautiful country with a huge variety of wonders at which to marvel. My reason for staying on the previous 3 occasions was the good friends I had, then but not now.
During my week in Byron Bay I had time to reflect and consider my traveling intentions, I came to the conclusion that one of my favourite parts of the world was south east Asia. For 3 main reasons, 1) the cost of living, 2) the weather and most importantly, 3) the people. South east Asians have a naturally warm and welcoming heart and that extends to being open minded about disability and disabled people. The true ‘normal’ treatment I receive as a disabled person is naturally derived, not as the failed endeavour of the western world to ‘understand and accommodate’. The simple way to explain this is that western over-education is a miseducation.
After numerous ill-fated and lengthy trips to the local travel agent’s, The foundations were laid to return to an old favourite, Bangkok. I would then return to Hong Kong for the Millennium to see Justin, before meeting my Brother in the Philippines for a further 2 weeks of abusing of both alcohol and women !.
Surprisingly, Thailand and most of Asia was going through a cold spell when I arrived in mid December. To add insult to injury the Khao San Road area was dead, everyone had headed to the islands in the south for Christmas to escape the cold of Bangkok. Although not cold in English terms, in Thai terms it was freezing. The Thai's saw it fit to dress the innumerable dog population in T-shirts normally with a fake designer name in true Khao San style !.
Being my first solo trip to Thailand, I didn't quite know what to expect from Thai peoples attitude to someone traveling in a wheelchair alone. Previously I had been with Justin and their reaction was one of utter disbelief, to my surprise, their reaction was not one of inaction but of natural curiosity but also of wanting to help if or when I needed. Although at times ‘help’ is definitely not what I got, the intention was there but not the execution. I even had people in shops offer to to wash my dirt covered hands. The best description for Thai attitude, and throughout Asia, is of having no preconceived ideas about people who use a wheelchair.
Due to the low cost of living I decided to treat myself to a little luxury like a warm shower and carpet. I had pre-booked my hotel in Australia, the Radisson. As I arrived my attention was taken by the palatial sized lobby, on checking in I discovered that there was one handicapped room on the 22nd floor - the Business class floor for ‘discerning executives’. I knew from that moment on that this was going to be a ‘class joint’, I had to use my room key card to get to the 22nd floor ensuring the exclusion of ‘riff-raff'. I got into what I expected to be a room but it was a massive suite containing 4 rooms all with inch thick carpet. A bedroom with an 8 foot wide bed and a huge TV, a Living room with a second TV, second phone, desk & sofa and bathroom with spa.
Many of my exploits in Thailand and the Philippines are of a sexual nature therefore sections are highly censored. This is the first censored section, and clues are : 24 hours , Stop - Let your imagination run wild
An inexplicable question is our desire to eat weird and, not always wonderful food when in strange countries. We feel the need to sample the local delicacies, in Thailand not simply rice dishes or noodles cooked with a new vegetable, but grasshoppers, plain and simple, no sauce - just a bag of bugs !. Which obviously, stupid me, has to eat - when all I really want is a hot dog from Seven Eleven.
My second censored section, clues - R Branson, Korea, 2 of 3.
As they say : When in Rome .........., But this was Bangkok - the sex capital of the world. So my obligation was to sample some of the infamous sex shows. On one of my trips to an area known as Pat Pong, I saw something which certainly wasn’t an everyday occurrence. On my obligatory post-drinking binge to McDonald's I saw an elephant queuing to get a McDonald's. Bangkok is a huge city which is highly developed, not a Jungle. But I swear, all this fully grown mammal wanted has his cheeseburgers, and we’re probably not talking a ‘Happy Meal' !. Being the generous person I am, I shared my Chicken Sandwich with him which I don t suppose did much to halt animal starvation !.
Christmas Day - I woke up lying next to 2 beautiful Thai girls - the best Christmas present I ever received !. Unfortunately we were all fully dressed plus they assured me and to my recollection nothing happen - shame !.
A Tuk Tuk, a small, 3 wheeled, motorcycle carriage, type thing - Not the easiest form of transport for someone with a wheelchair. After a previous unsuccessful attempt to ‘mount' one on a previous trip to Thailand, I wouldn’t let the cheapest mode of transport beat me. So hailing one to take me the half mile to my favourite drinking haunt, I decided just to sit on the back seat and hang the wheelchair from the back. The plan failed miserably, I ended up perching on the floor holding onto the wheelchair for dear life - But did a tuk tuk defeat me ?, it definitely did not.!.
You can guarantee that much much more happened that week but due to my excessive consumption of alcohol that week, like every other has become a blur.
I then returned to Hong Kong for a third time, to see my very good friend Justin for the millennium.
Hong Kong is often mistakenly overlooked as a party place. Me and Justin, the ‘Hard-Core Brothers', often didn t even go out till 2 or 3am and didn't get in till day-break (7 or 8 am). Slept till sun set (6pm) then started the process of getting drunk again - healthy living !.
Our millennium celebrations obviously included alcohol in large quantities but the whole new year celebration was a complete anti-climax. The mistake we made was spending the ‘magic minute’ in a bar and not outside to see the fireworks, lights, parades, dancing, etc. Midnight came and went without any countdown, clapping, cheering, singing and worst of all no kissing !. We made up for severely missed kissing later in clubs, finally getting in at midday new years day.
I’m not even going to try to explain in words the beauty of Cantonese women, the ‘strangest' phenomenon was that the mutual physical appreciation - surprisingly, they liked me as much as I liked them !.
I had been in Hong Kong for 5 days and the cost of living was excessive. On the first Tuesday after the millennium we decided to fly down to Malaysia, on Wednesday we were on a cheap flight. We spent one night in the sprawling metropolis of Kuala Lumper before taking a bus up to Penang.
We spent 6 days on the island of Penang. We spent every day on the beach and every night at club named ‘The Reggae Club' which was festooned with Bob Marley memorabilia.
What we hadn't realised was that on that particular week there was a big Muslim festival, Hari Ryia. We were able to see much more of real Malaysian life and their people. We even managed to ‘crash' a private party and indulge in Malay merriment !.
All to soon Malaysia was over and I was flying to the Philippines to party with my real Brother, Jon, for 2 weeks.
We spent 2 pretty disastrous nights in Manila. We then took a bus and ferry down to Puerto Gallero, where for the first time we could see the true splendour of the Philippines. The magnificent blue ocean covering amazingly colourful coral, the lush dense tropic forests and the prospect of seeing some of the world’s most beautiful women - which was later proven a correct assumption !.
We decided to stay in a part of Puerto Gallero called Sabang, which meant getting a Jeepney (A large traditional US military jeep style public bus). This should have been a relatively simple task but how my head remained attached to my body, I shall never know !.
Sabang is a small, quiet town which has no roads and is not too touristy. Quiet during the day but at night, every night, all night - Party, party, party !. With the help of bars with cheap beer, a floating bar, a karaoke bar, a snooker bar, 3 go-go bars and a club - The chances of staying sober are pretty minimal !.
From that point on, Me and Jon where definitely on 'fire'. We were kissing girls, shoulder rub massages, being given love notes, had marriage proposals, given flowers and simply starred at by beautiful girls.
Jon then made the ultimate sacrifice of getting a girlfriend. We had it all - hordes of beautiful women at our disposal but he gave it up and choose monogamy. But not me, for 2 weeks, I lived every mans fantasy !.
There is so much that went on that week, like our day trip to White Beach which is now just an alcohol induced blur and my ‘mini missions' which were alcohol fuelled attention seeking trips. The majority of the weeks activities are centred around that lethal concoction of girls and alcohol, so I am choosing to censor my exploits !.
After a week in Sabang we decided that despite having such a great time, we needed to see more of the beautiful Philippines. After much indecision, the decision has made to go to the town of Angeles - which wasn’t going to be a beautiful place but would have an abundance of beautiful women !.
After a week I came to a conclusion, about the highly agreeable aforementioned situation. Most Philippine tourists are old, fat, balding western men who go to sleep with young Philippino girls. Philippino's who are naturally attracted to western men, whether for physical, monetary or social reasons, young western guys have it made !.
Angeles, despite its name, is not Americanised but it does bare similarities to its namesake. They are both noisy, smelly and polluted but unlike Los Angeles, Angeles in the Philippines has no 'nice' areas. Not 'nice' in the traditional sense but a great place for a couple of alcoholic perverts !.
Sunday night was one of those historic nights, never to be forgotten. We both made it an alcohol fuelled, attention seeking mission. We visited 12 bars and in each bar we went on a different ‘buzz’, in some bars we were twins, others models, others footballers and even virgins. In every bar we were treated as celebrities, every dancer and waitress stopped and starred at our handsome faces !.
The lucky few got to talk to us and the even luckier ones even got the chance to kiss us but this was a 'lads night out' with attention seeking being our goal. Unfortunately, for the girls, this meant no 'Boom Boom'.
Jon's girlfriend (who he met a week previously in Puerto Gallero) arrived on the Monday from Manila which meant he had to behave but 'Boom Boom' was back on my options list !.
This is one of those sections which would have been of sufficient size pertaining several lovely ladies, but censorship denies details to be divulged. Clues - Set 1 : Pressure elsewhere, Thousand, Present oranges later - Set 2 : Waitress, 'Cherry girl' ?., Later name confusion. Worth noting, one of the most gorgeous girls I have ever seen in my life and an obvious target for both Me and Jon. She did go on an informal date with me and agreed with the majority that I was handsome, which, in itself, had to be a good reasons to return !.
The life I was living , with beautiful girls constantly throwing themselves at me was getting to much. That sound’s ridiculous, after all , I was living every mans fantasy. Night after, alcohol filled, night I was being accosted by a bevy of Philippino beauties who told me they love me and that I was so handsome. It was making me feel like a high profile celebrity who can't even walk down the street without being molested when all I want is a quiet drink.
Leaving the Philippines I returned to Hong Kong for 5 more days of alcohol fuelled partying with a bevy of beautiful babes to use, abuse then lose !.
The all night party routine was broken only once with a trip to the famous peak, overlooking the magnificent concrete jungle of Hong Kong.
Then it was back to Bangkok, for yet more of the same, extreme antics with women while heavily under the influence of alcohol. But I was missing my male fantasy lifestyle and celebrity status, so for a second time I returned to the Maddest city I have ever known - Angeles in the Philippines.
I have travelled to many countries and experienced life in many cities but none come anywhere near the crazed madness of Angeles in the Philippines. I found myself constantly recalling the previous nights drunken antics including the girls I kissed and also the girls chests I became orally acquainted with !.
My routine every night for 2 weeks was sleeping all day (waking at 4pm) then going out at 7pm on crazed, excessive alcohol fuelled, attention seeking missions finally getting back to the hotel at 7 am.
I woke Saturday morning, after only three hours drunken sleep and decided to return home to England to escape the irrefusable temptation of alcohol. So that day I returned to Bangkok and bought a cheap return airline ticket to England. Alcohol was not being served on the flight which was the start of my ‘zero alcohol intake’ week.
South east Asians have a naturally warm and welcoming heart and that extends to being open minded about disability and disabled people. The true ‘normal’ treatment I receive as a disabled person is naturally derived, not the failed endeavour of the western world to ‘understand and accommodate’. The simple way to explain this is that western over-education is a miseducation.